Ab initio

I first saw you today but
lies I lie I saw before ovum sperm
entering into the gate the maw the cunt of
prison
a message left tagged to my ass like stray TP
she has come what was I to say stripped naked 8867147
understand I understood nothing still don’t yet her
what am I to say but only sleep came on iron cot when
her fingers still infant touched my face, tears like her laughter to
father mother lovers years on end come to me dry gulch
aching
there is no relief, relentless are the shadow gods and goddesses sucking
sperm from my pinkie drawing fetuses unto murder, death like kisses
these are my nights, no days, no sunlight, shine, nothing, anal fucking of
my soul
yet I walk into the Visitor’s Room knowing her there like babe in
stranger’s arms
waiting, ever waiting, eons passing, eons long past she
my heartbeat, “Mama” I groaned, word that slices me like
jailhouse bars, thick but ever so cutting, cruelty of Nazi lore she
there at the gas chamber, I sucking air, fetid, dying as child
she wet her diapers, pleased by the pleasure of it all, expulsion
me into the toilet, detritus, fecal matter, “Five years in a federal penitentiary!” I
wait, wait, so patiently stand by the crossroads, stupid, broken, a laugh never
so she comes, “Finally!”
I punch my ticket, onto the bus, long ride into eternity, love
I love you have ever always loved you from the forever loved you, only you
“No fool like an old fool!” giggles me into the grave, happy that
you arrived that first beginning of the end, amen, forever
loving you